Like this:

I’ve been meaning to write another blog post for weeks now and have had many topics that had me enthusiastic, excited and then the feeling passed.

Later, thoughts of I “should” be writing have come up and I’ve felt out of integrity. One – for not writing when I said I would and two – for others around me not writing and then me encouraging them to write. It’s kinda been “Do as I say, not as I do.” Ouch.

Today I decided to write “come hell or high water”, to get back into integrity.

And I just sat here – nothing. I did notice an inkling inside, a felt-sense of deja vu. My mind wanders and I find myself back in high school being asked to write a poem on the spot in English class.

Now, I had been writing poetry for years. I wrote in the quiet of my room, when I was inspired or rather compelled to take pen in hand and write. All I had to do was answer the call and say “Yes”. The words flowed naturally from me, through me. It was as if I was being guided and when in this place of being in tuned, wondrous heart song materialized effortlessly on paper.

And there I sat that day, staring at this paper – uninspired, totally flat lining and frustrated. The page stared blankly back at me – unblinking. I was just not feeling “it”.

I fumed silently…how dare this teacher even THINK to think that writing could be done on command! I was certainly NOT feeling passion, NOT feeling the connectedness that was required to write. From a place of “I’ll show you!” I chose in the moment to let whatever was “there” appear on that paper.

I had chosen to write even though I was angry, spiteful and had no clue, “zero” as to what to write. (Looking back now – I was scared of this “not knowing”).

I purposefully calmed my mind and became still. I picked up the pen, touched the ink to the page… and then in this quiet, still place I wrote.

Many times I see things in my mind
Thoughts that aren’t my own
Looking for words I can not find
Trying to write a poem

To concentrate, to think
Nothing seems to get nearer
Thoughts just seem to sink
Deep ever deeper, never getting clearer

But relax and stop thinking
Things come to me
Closer to that special linking
Of a poem that is to be.

What I have learned is that it is an act of disciplined, deliberate intention, of commitment to writing that gives me the access to my gift. It has nothing to do with “feeling” like writing, or being inspired passionately.

The path is to say YES first. Pick up the pen second. Then choose to quiet my mind, become still and be open to whatever comes through me.
Trust the process, trust yourself.

What gets you in action?
What will it take?

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