Like this:

Years ago, I called my mother being very judgmental and feeling totally angry. I was looking for her support (aka buy-in). In her wisdom, she told me: “Do not give the anger any energy.”

I was very affronted. It was certainly not why I had called; I had wanted to fuel my righteous fire.

Her words really bothered me. Actually pissed me off.
And yet, it was like a light bulb went off for me.
There was Truth here, that I’d never explored.

I realized that I could choose to be right, to expand my anger or I could choose to figure out how to let it go and find my way back to being peaceful and happy.

I will say I did have my work cut out for me to figure out “how”. And the effort to create peace in my life was so worth it in the end; for me, my children, and my partner. And in bled into all my relationships – work, family, friends.

Lately, judgment has been showing up for me loud and clear; in casual conversations, with clients and in my own way of being.

In the world of nature, judgment does not exist. There is no righteousness in nature. An animal is killed for food; a raging forest fire reaps havoc on the land, destroying life. It simply is the way of nature. It is what is so. We accept this.

And yet, we are challenged in our own lives to be this accepting. We play judge and jury, way beyond societal rules. And what good does our judgment serve?

Assuredly, we get to be validated, we get to be justified, we get vindication and we get to be right.

In my own process, I started looking at impacts on myself and on others.

Being right, felt so juicy and tasted sweet at the time.
Let me be VERY real here.
There’s a BIG often hidden cost to pay for this juice.
The truth is – it’s not sweet at all, not even bitter-sweet, just plain bitter.
We all get to be bitter inside (and out) when we hold onto being right.

And the impact of being judgmental, being right is even more far reaching.

Someone else has to be wrong, invalidated, disrespected.
More often than not, this is a person we have our closest relationship with.
Now relationship can be Heaven or Hell and righteousness amounts to Hell.
I consistently see that, from this rightly, justified position, there are no winners, everybody loses.

With honesty, with courage, with love, ask yourself:
Is the cost of being right, bringing you closer or farther away?
What is really going on when you play judge and jury?
What are you getting out of being right?
How does it truly serve you and your relationship?

Your answers are your own to ponder.
And they will shape your life.
As your own powerful creator of your life, you get to choose.
Be Right or be Happy.

If you have relationships that are not working and can’t find your way out alone, there is something missing, that you are not seeing. Feel free to contact me for compassionate support and I will show you the way.

Blessings,
Julie

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