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Last week I got to see my dad in a whole new light. We buried his last sister on Thursday and he leaned into me and held my hand the whole time. I saw his strengths as a man and his weaknesses.

He’s not perfect, never was and never will be. I have made him wrong as a father, as a husband and as a man for so many things. And I have loved him fiercely. A double-edged sword.

As I sat there, my father squeezing my hand and listening to the eulogies for his sister, my mind wandered to the life my father has lived that stretched beyond my experiences with him.

Here was a man, who grew up in a shack, during the depression. By the time he was 12, he was motherless and experienced the death of his young sister, been so starved he had rickets. And yet today, to hear him speak of his childhood, he spins joyous, humorous stories of incredible high adventure and mischief. His spirit was never quelled.

His father was a strict militaristic disciplinarian – a brute.

I wondered what it was like for him at the age of only 16 to leave his childhood town, his friends and to spirit away his 3 older sisters – one blind, one schizophrenic and the other very repressed. His fierce desire to protect them was the driving force that day. And I so love that he protected them as best he could and he continued to protect and care for them very consistently for the rest of all their lives. He was totally devoted to them.

He fell in love with my mom and married at 20. She was not an easy woman – beautiful, head-strong and red-headed – a very “hot” woman. I can only imagine what it was like for him, being 37, with the responsibility of his own family of 7 children and having such a poor role model for a father. And in the end, he came through it all and did the right thing. I know he had wanted to run away from the tension and yet in the end, he was honorable – he stuck it out and remained devoted to his family.

Recently, I caught my dad holding my mother – an intimate moment full of fragility, love and tenderness. It was a defining moment for me to witness that poignant connection.

I admire my father for being so strong, steadfast and dependable in the face of his life’s challenges. Was it easy? Did he make mistakes? Absolutely and yet, I know that for the sake of his family and most importantly, himself – he found the courage and strength to want more from life and he did what it took to get that.

He is an honorable and admirable Man, whom I will always trust to do the right thing.

And I am blessed to have him as my father.

I love you Dad. Happy 81st Birthday and Happy Father’s Day.

You have done well.

Your devoted daughter,

Julie

“It is only with the heart One can see clearly, what is essential is invisible to the eye.”
–The Littlest Prince

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